Engaged in Transition

So, for many of you who know me, or who read my column, you know that I am engaged. If you don’t know me, and this is the first time you are reading my article, (Hey! Thanks for reading!) you should know I got engaged last summer.

Before I lose your readership, this article isn’t some sappy story about how being engaged. In fact, this is meant for the friends and family of engaged persons. So without further ado,

Dear Friends and Family of Engaged People,

This is probably a new situation for you, and there are some things you ought to know. First of all, thanks for being amazing support for us. We are going to need that continued support while we run around like crazy planning our wedding! Your support means a lot to us, and we very deeply value it. Yeah, sure, we are engaged now, and that’s cool, but that doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you.

I’ve read a lot of articles on the flip side of this opinion asking engaged couples to remember that their friends want to be remembered too. However, there is a flipside to that. In my experience, after I became engaged, many of my friends and family started saying things like “well we just want to spend as much time with you before you leave us.” Maybe this isn’t a widespread opinion, but just because someone got engaged doesn’t mean that they stopped caring about everyone else in their life.

Lots of times I’ve felt like my friends don’t really understand that I still very much value my relationship with them. My mom keeps talking about “losing” me. While I understand that to an extent, I think it’s very sad that our culture has created this thought. I prefer to think of it as my family gaining another member. Just because I have found someone who wants to put up with me for the rest of their life doesn’t mean my family is going to “lose” me.

Yes, they are happy for me and all that good jazz, but it leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth when I feel like I have to “make up” for “lost time” with my family and friends.
So, for those of you who are sick of your engaged friends, just remember that they still value your friendship. Keep in touch. Invite them to hang out with you. (Even if you know they can’t come. It’s the thought that counts.) If you have a family member that’s engaged, try to think about it as gaining a family member rather than losing one.

Sincerely, Engaged People… or at least me.

– Delyn Bull

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